Dependence or a relationship?
Looking for everyday companionship – it starts with a chat
Who does not know it? You are registered on different platforms, chat here and there and then she comes. This one very attractive and super interesting person. You start talking, maybe exchange pictures or private data and then it’s all about one question: Am I looking for a partner for life or an everyday companion?
Das Dating 3.0 – Die Zukunft des Dating
Das Dating 3.0 – Die Zukunft des Dating
So we want to find out if we are currently getting into an addiction or a relationship. To clarify this, perhaps the following questions will help you, as they did me:
- What is really important to me in togetherness and in life?
- What do I get out of spending my time with the other person?
- What can I give to the other?
- What things do I want to experience together with my partner?
The answer to these questions is individual and varies greatly. Everyone will have their own experiences and at this point, general advice would not be enough. So we’d rather highlight the issues that can give you a little more insight into your situation with your everyday companion today.
The chat with the everyday companion became more
Behavioral questions like “can I ask you something intimate?” or “when was the last time you really had fun?” are usually just the beginning. Sometimes you realize that you suddenly have rose-colored glasses on. Other times, it’s all about intimacy. Exchanging messages is easy. Talking in person, however, is a whole different ballgame for many. And so it can happen that you don’t talk openly and honestly about your concrete wishes and desires right from the start.
If this part is left out, it can sometimes mean that you don’t get what you hope for. And as time goes on, you get further and further away from what you actually wanted. There’s only one thing that helps: asking the right questions at the right time and, above all, listening particularly well. At what point do you realize whether you are dealing with an everyday companion or a potential partner for life? To answer this question in general is rather difficult. In my opinion, it is and remains an individual experience for everyone.
Is it enough to have commonalities with everyday companionship or should there be more?
You might think that finding common ground is enough. Yes, it’s definitely helpful, but is that all? I myself think it’s far more important to be clear about what you still plan to do in life. In any case, you may explain to the acquaintance exactly how you imagine the relationship with each other. This is the only way to find out if it’s a good fit for both of you. After all, once you’ve gotten into each other’s heads, it becomes more and more difficult to pay attention to what’s good for you if you’re not clear about what you need at the moment. My idea on this is that you are also allowed to focus on yourself. I would even go so far as to say that you have to focus on yourself in order to have a good time.
Once you lose focus on what you want for yourself, a relationship of any kind can become very bumpy. What I mean is that the cohabitant can still be so great and pretty and loving in the beginning. But if the initial affiliation and affection gradually diminishes, it can and will no longer be healthy for each other. Then you ask yourself again whether you are pursuing the same goal or whether you have too different ideas of how to work together. Therefore, I would like to mention once again that openness and honesty, and I mean throughout and in every situation of life, are elementary for a healthy partnership.
So is this called dependency or relationship?
For me, both are very close and yet the two topics are so different. I mean, don’t you automatically put yourself in a dependency when you enter into a relationship with another person? And the depth and nature of the relationship doesn’t really matter. You are there for another person or you occasionally take a step back for SOMEONE. If we take a closer look at the two options, we quickly see which needs are met in one case and which needs are met in the other.
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We all have needs and also values. And these should also be communicated quite clearly with each other, because no everyday companion in this world will be able to recognize what the partner really needs. I don’t think anyone wants to become dependent voluntarily, but sometimes scenarios just arise that are a form of dependency. This is in no way meant to be judgmental. We have probably all experienced the various scenarios in one form or another.
Basically, the point is that as long as everyone involved is pursuing the same goal, it’s wonderful and I’m happy for everyone who is experiencing this and will continue to experience it. I myself am a very independent person. Dependence is hardly an issue for me anymore, but I have learned to live according to my values and that simplifies my life and, above all, my interaction with others considerably. And if a kind of dependency does arise in the process, I accept that too.
Life happens for us and never against us! And you will feel the same way when you are clear about what you really want in life. What will also always play a role for me is a good combination of physical attraction and humor. This combination has already provided me with the most wonderful moments in my life.
And as some people probably know: Time is our most precious commodity and we can never get it back.
So the rule is: always check your needs! Respect these and also respect the needs of the other person. This is my personal recipe for a healthy relationship that I’m happy to share with you today! Whether with everyday companionship or a permanent partner – anything that does you good is right!