The infidelity gene: Once a cheater, always a cheater?

By Dr. Dorothea Flogger – 24. January 2023

Estimated reading time: 5 minutes

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Strangers do it all the time – don’t they?

The statement “Once a cheater, always a cheater” implies that someone who has cheated once will do so again and again. However, there is no scientific evidence that this is automatically the case. Every person is different and the reasons why someone cheats can be very different. Some people cheat for emotional reasons, others for practical reasons. There are also people who regret their decision and want to do everything to save the relationship.

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Therefore, it is important that each relationship is considered individually and each case is treated individually. It is also advisable that both the cheater and the cheated partner talk to each other to explore the reasons for the misbehavior and find a solution. It is imperative that both partners are willing to work on themselves and the relationship to build a successful future.

Does the “infidelity gene” really exist?

There is no scientific evidence that there is a specific “infidelity gene” responsible for infidelity behavior. Infidelity is a complex phenomenon that can be due to a variety of factors, including biological, psychological, and social factors.

However, there are some studies that suggest that certain genes and hormones, such as testosterone and oxytocin, may play a role in regulating sexual behavior and attachment behavior. Some studies have also shown that certain genes may be associated with increased impulsivity and risk-taking, which can contribute to someone being more likely to cheat. However, these studies are not conclusive and there are many other factors that go into a person’s decisions that can lead to someone cheating.

What ticks some people off about cheating?

There are a variety of reasons why people cheat, and the motives can vary from person to person. Some possible reasons may be:

Dissatisfaction in the relationship: Some people cheat because they are dissatisfied with their relationship and feel that their needs are not being met.
Adventurousness: Some people seek the adventure and excitement that comes with an affair.

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Self-doubt: Some people cheat to confirm their own attractiveness or sexual appeal.
Emotional support: Some people cheat because they are not emotionally supported by their partner and are emotionally attracted to someone else.
Physical dissatisfaction: Some people cheat because they are physically dissatisfied and long for physical closeness and intimacy.

Are people more likely to cheat if they did so in a previous relationship?

There is no universal answer to whether people are more likely to cheat if they have done so in a previous relationship. Some people who have cheated once regret their decision and want to do everything they can to save the relationship and not do it again. However, other people may decide to do it again, perhaps because of unresolved issues or dissatisfaction in the relationship.

There are also cheaters who cheat on their partner even though they have never cheated before. The reasons for infidelity can be very different and can vary from person to person. It can be emotional, physical or practical. Some people cheat because they are dissatisfied with their relationship, others do it out of curiosity or because they feel insecure.

Where to find appropriate couples counseling?

There are many ways to find appropriate couples counseling. Some possibilities are:

Doctors or therapists: You can ask your primary care physician or a therapist for recommendations.
Professional Associations: There are numerous professional associations for therapists and counselors that can be contacted to obtain a list of qualified couples counselors in your area.

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Online research: one can search online for nearby couples counselors and read reviews to find a suitable person.
Insurance: There are many insurance companies that offer couples counseling as part of their benefits package, so it’s worth talking to your own insurer.
Universities or colleges: there are many universities or colleges that offer clinical or health psychology and you can find couples counseling there.

It is important to take time to find a suitable couples counselor who meets one’s needs and whom the cheater accepts as well, not only the cheated. It is also important to feel comfortable and build a good relationship with the couples counselor so that you can get the most out of your counseling.

Should you not even get involved with someone if they have cheated in past relationships?

Whether or not to get involved with someone who cheated in a previous relationship is an individual decision that everyone must make for themselves. However, it is important to be aware that infidelity in the past may pose a risk of it happening again in the future.

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It can be helpful to talk openly and honestly with the person who cheated and listen to their reasons for their behavior. It is also important that both partners seek professional help to explore the reasons for the misbehavior and work to prevent future problems.

Likewise, care should also be taken to ensure that both partners are willing to work on themselves and the relationship to build a successful future. It is also important that both partners share their feelings and concerns openly and honestly and find a solution together.