That’s why lesbian kisses are so different than with men

By Jens Haberlein
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes
That's why lesbian kisses are so different than with men
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Lesbian kisses – are they really different?

Kissing is something very intimate. So just French kisses are also perceived by the onlookers as something special. Here, however, there are differences in who kisses. Kisses between man and woman seem to be almost self-evident. Lesbian kisses are often perceived as sensual and erotic. And kisses between men often even arouse unpleasant feelings. But where are the differences?

Who kisses whom?

Should a heterosexual man answer the question of whether women kiss differently than men, they will usually say that they cannot answer this question because they have never kissed a man. They have already seen lesbian kisses, but they cannot evaluate them. Conversely, a homosexual man will also point out a lack of comparison. Only the small percentage of bisexual men have any means of comparison from their own experience. The picture will be similar for women.

Darum sind lesbische Küsse so anders als mit Männern

However, there is a big difference: a kiss, i.e. a friendly kiss to greet or to say goodbye, is practiced both between man and woman and between women. Men rarely greet and say goodbye in this way. But this is not so much because they like kissing less. Rather, tender physical contact between men seems to be less socially accepted than between women. So in everyday observations, the question of what makes lesbian kisses so special seems unanswerable.

Kisses on film

Let us therefore turn to artistic representation, that is, kisses in film. A film that wants to call itself halfway erotic contains kissing and bed scenes between woman and man, often between women. Therefore, lesbian kisses in any case represent eroticism. Comparable scenes between men are rare, apart from explicit porn movies.

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In any case, kisses, especially French kisses, where the kissers penetrate each other’s bodies, are perceived as very arousing. In film, lesbian kisses are therefore often a means of portraying eroticism outside the social mainstream, but still accepted by the majority. But if you look at the few exceptions in movies (away from pornography) where men kiss, you will feel the same erotic aura here.

Differences between man and woman

One difference that may come into play when evaluating men’s and women’s kissing is beard growth. This is naturally more pronounced in men than in women. Lesbian kisses are thus characterized by the fact that almost always smooth skin meets smooth skin.

Read also: Why women kiss women without being lesbians

So if a man is involved in kissing, there may be a beard or there may be stubble involved. Whether this is considered pleasant or unpleasant varies from person to person. And those who know that their beard growth could be annoying when kissing will simply make an effort when shaving.


Lesbian kisses are different from kisses between a man and a woman simply because they are statistically rarer. Even rarer are erotic kisses between men. Every type of kiss, whether same-sex or opposite-sex, has the same eroticism. This unfolds in the mind of the viewer.

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Only the different social acceptance ensures that different kisses are perceived differently. However, the increasing tolerance in society ensures that lesbian kisses are increasingly perceived only as a variant of a great game between loving people.

Read also: This is why every girl should do it once with another woman

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