Sex after the death of a partner: When can I have sex again?

By Dr. Dorothea Flogger
Estimated reading time: 5 minutes
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When the partner dies – sex after mourning

The loss of a loved one usually turns one’s life abruptly upside down. When grief dominates everyday life, even simple tasks become insurmountable obstacles. However, this condition is completely normal and can last for months or even years. However, if the pain gradually fades into the background, many sufferers are usually ready for new interpersonal relationships and sex after the death of their partner.


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How long is sex frowned upon after the death of a partner?

After the death of a beloved partner, many people fall into an unspeakable grief. Pessimism and doom and gloom are often the order of the day. This often leads to an additional clouding of the emotional state of the bereaved. The seemingly insurmountable grief should also definitely be lived out. After all, this is particularly important when processing the experiences.

Sex after the death of a partner: When can I have sex again?

However, the length of the mourning phase is individual and can therefore not be precisely delimited. For this reason, it is up to each person to decide when and with whom to have sex after the death of their partner. When the trusted sex partner has died, an indescribable emptiness often remains. However, most sufferers want to fill this quickly by opening their hearts again after some time.

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After all, the lives of the bereaved go on. Also the longing for touching as well as sexual contacts returns after some time. This does not happen overnight, but develops gradually. There is no precise and universally definable point in time for this. When sexual intercourse is possible again after the death of the partner, the affected persons must decide calmly for themselves. The legendary year of mourning should also be disregarded here.

The famous year of mourning

Sex after the death of a partner: When can I have sex again?Originally, the year of mourning comes from the time of Roman jurisprudence. This indicated the period of time during which a widow was not allowed to go before the altar again. A ten-month deadline had to be observed in this respect. Failure to comply with this requirement was eventually criminalized.

The legal requirement no longer exists in the present, but the year of abstinence falls under the moral code. In modern society, the idea of the year of mourning is still firmly rooted. Numerous people who are going through a loss are faced with this time constraint.

This circumstance can sometimes put additional pressure on those affected. It seems that a new relationship is not allowed before the end of the year of mourning. Often the search for a new partner is stigmatized by the immediate environment, such as one’s own family or close friends. An early search for a new love interest is often equated with a disregard for the deceased partner. However, this opinion is very outdated and cannot be applied to everyone.

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The readiness for a new beginning is different for all those affected. After all, there are many different facets of grief. Of course, the grieving process should be completed before jumping into a whole new life. In order to cope with this phase in the best possible way, professional support in coping with grief is often beneficial.

Can grief counseling also help with the issue of sexuality?

Those who are struggling with the death of their partner should seek psychological support. When normal everyday life becomes a burden, the support of professional grief counseling can be quite helpful. The fear of loneliness and boredom often occupies an exceedingly large place in the daily life of the bereaved.

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Empathetic conversations as well as confronting life after the partner’s death usually help in processing the loss. After all, death also brings with it a number of questions, which one often cannot answer oneself. Sexuality after a painful loss is among the most common issues. Many survivors are unsure of how to live their lives in the near future.

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Dealing with one’s own lust and the desire for physical closeness is a central theme here. This can be clarified in a consultative discussion. This includes clarifying when sex may again play a role after the death of a partner. After the completion of the mourning process, sexual pleasure should not be neglected in addition to the mental state.

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The intensity and duration of grief varies from person to person. When a beloved partner passes away, the lives of those left behind are often initially somewhat disrupted. The natural emergence of sexual desire usually takes a back seat. Nevertheless, the desire does not disappear completely. Sex can also be important again after the death of a partner. However, determining the right time is up to the individual’s own discretion.


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